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Once, to impress a new fella, I tried tanning on a tanning bed at the recommendation of a close friend. I was pale, so the tanning salon woman said I should only tan for 8 minutes. Despite following her recommendation, it seemed even 8 minutes was too long.

Most of me tanned, but my ass plain old burned. Bright red. Worse, I could barely stand to sit down on my date. I kept trying to coyly sit at an angle, but it just looked akward.

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